90 Days of No Masturbation

It should go without saying this article is extremely personal, brutally honest, and will not be welcomed by everybody. Of the many disciplines I practice, including fasting, meditation, and martial arts, I stumbled across one online that caught my attention and made me want to try it out: 90 days of no masturbation. The online community commonly calls this “NoFap” and 90 days seems to be the benchmark duration for the “NoFap Challenge”. All participants of this challenge set their own rules, which might include not watching porn, abstaining from pleasuring the genitals, or even remaining celibate.

My own motivations for trying this revolved around strengthening my willpower. I wanted to see what it would be like to reserve all my sexual energy for female partners, develop greater impulse control, and maybe nurture a less polluted mental atmosphere from not consistently watching images of hardcore sexual stimuli on a screen. My only rules were that I could not masturbate to completion for the 90 day period. I could still have sex and witnessing pornography was not off limits.

A little personal background: I am a male 26 years of age, I have a girlfriend who does not live with me, and we are non-monogamous; meaning I am free to have sexual adventures with other females within the established boundaries my partner and I have set up. I’ve hooked up with multiple girls at one time, taken girls’ virginities, and been with women twice my age. It’s safe to say I’m effective, having refined the skills for connecting with women over time and polishing my attractive qualities. All that being said, both masturbation and pornography are routine in my life and I’ve never considered either to be detrimental.

Many members of the online no-masturbation club, however, state a different case. They report a lot of positive benefits after refraining from orgasm at their own hand: less fatigue, lower instances of depression and anxiety, more confidence, alleviation of erectile dysfunction, and better luck with women. Some even say they feel superhuman. They gain a sense of control over their life and this I fully support. At the same time, there are also claims approaching fanatical and clearly based on discernable fallacies.

When I read some descriptions of NoFap stories, one common comment goes something like this: they stop rubbing one out and suddenly become a magnet to every woman they come across. Any generalization about women is usually wrong, this one especially. No given man is a good fit for every woman- romantically, sexually, or platonically. Women are people with their own breeds of weirdness and preferences and worldviews, just like men. Statements like this often build off the unconscious assumption of seeing women as “targets” and purely sexual objects. Women are seen as things to be picked up, not other people to connect with. Just approaching any woman without any regard to viewing her as a three-dimensional being is ridiculous and misguided.

A great deal of the NoFap material I find also preaches about pornography being bad for your viewing, rotting your brain, and making you completely inept to fall in love or interact with women. Porn is a tool for erotic fantasy. By no means does pornography, in and of itself, inhibit your ability to interact with women. Now if a person was to only stay home and watch adult content on the internet without ever having sex with real people, that would be a problem. However, porn would not be to blame. The culprit would be that person for not developing themselves and approaching potential partners while instead using pornography as a coping mechanism.

Lastly, numerous accounts assert the notion that masturbation makes you less of a man. You are weak for stroking one off and if you didn’t masturbate you could be out exercising your masculinity, goes the claim; an unmistakable ego trip. Abstaining from touching oneself might be beneficial to a person who has addictive problems with self-pleasuring. Otherwise, masturbation has its proper place for achieving sensual gratification.

The benefits I noticed first were physical: fully engorged erections, frequent and spontaneous boners, and increased sensitivity. I was throwing dick like never before and having ball-busting, soul-shattering orgasms. In the midst of passion I felt a rich connection to my girlfriend. She could not get enough and recurrently seemed insatiable. Things were hotter, more energetic, and more explosive. I generally felt ready to go at any moment, in a very healthy way. I started to think maybe it should be this way all the time.

Additionally, I became even bolder in my interactions with the other women I was interested in. I didn’t go barking up every tree, a sure sign of the amateur, but simply was more assertive with those I felt were already into me. I noticed after about a month of refraining from self-indulgence some of my lustful interests shifted. I would see ethnicities or styles of girls walk by that I had never really been attracted to and was unexpectedly drawn to them. The incentive to approach desirable women was powerful, even stronger than before. To fill the time I would normally have had draining my life essence, I turned my focus towards finding girls. I upgraded to the premium membership on the dating apps I was using for unlimited swipes and the ability to see who was into my profile.

There were times though when this experiment proved to be counterproductive; all I could focus on was taking care of my urges before concentrating on anything else. Simply put, I am an exceedingly horny dude. Before trying the “NoFap Challenge” I was busting nuts multiple times a day, either with girls or by myself. I have come home from a fuck buddy’s house and still rubbed one out. Sex and orgasms are absolute needs for me, tantamount to eating and sleeping, not wants.

The first few days were the most difficult to resist and my libido only strengthened with time. I had countless periods of sexual frustration because I didn’t have somebody around to help extinguish my desires. If I felt aroused and wanted the feeling gone, I had to find a partner rather than take care of it myself. Ignoring my carnal hunger did not always work and it would have been more efficient to take care of it and go back to what I was doing, rather than fight to dismiss it. Eventually when I would have intercourse again, I was unduly dominant, if not downright aggressive, in my sexual performance and it didn’t always last very long.

What made things more troublesome was texting that turned into sexting. It can be hard to keep your composure when a girl is sending you nude images with tantalizing captions; but I would resist because I didn’t want to create some kind of loop-hole for myself. My finishes had to be delivered by another person, not my own hand. I would walk around feeling pent up, with full balls ready to be unloaded at any moment, and because my desires had not been satisfied I was much faster to objectify women passing by. Despite meeting and striking up conversations with more women, I wasn’t having more sex. I wasn’t feeling more confident. I wasn’t any closer to my girlfriend than I had been before.

I wanted to try going ninety days without self-imposed orgasm because activities that require hard discipline appeal to me. Not only are they the gateway for self-improvement, but in the process they show us our limiting beliefs, what the real drivers of our behaviors are, and reveal novel aspects of the self. When we meet with distressing or unpleasant feelings, only then are we able to explore why those obstacles exist inside us- then rid them like the psychological anchors they are. Yet, I don’t think abstaining from masturbation yielded any tangible long lasting benefits. I feel it made me irritable and distracted, because all my sexual release had to come by external means- I HAD to have another person. I’m not somehow less of a man for rubbing one out; to me it’s a matter of efficiency. I would rather have an easy way to vent than walk around feeling intolerably horny. Indeed orgasms were better, but I was having visceral sex with monumental finishes before I started saving my essence.

In my conclusion, there is nothing emasculating about masturbating or viewing pornography. The problems arise when we become more attached to our fantasies than real life partners; when we stop connecting with others and choose a simulation instead. I think after this experiment I will masturbate less, but not give it up entirely. Having sex with real people doesn’t take away from the simple joy of self-pleasuring. While I applaud those who see benefit from practicing this lifestyle, sexuality, including masturbation, is too celebrated in my life.

ToddDeVault.com